Bryan & Brittney Austin

So, I am not one to usually share these types of experiences but tonight was something so amazing that I have never felt before. I admit that due to the stresses of planning to go to school and leaving my love, family, home and dogs has not been an easy thing for me to do. I must admit I am not very strong when it comes to dealing with a hard situation when dealing with those I love and hold dear. I have never been good at losing those I love and still have a hard time dealing with these things. I have been badly depressed this past two weeks thinking through all that is about to happen and how it is such a big change and not an easy one either. I hate the thought of being away from Bryan so much. We have been inseparable ever since dating and the past almost 4 years of marriage may have had its rough patches but everyday I feel closer and more in love with such a wonderful man. Each night usually after making sure Bryan has food and I am back home I usual want to do something. Sew, clean, or homework. Nothing has been getting done this week at all. This evening seemed worse than others. The fact that someone has been saying things to Bryan behind my back about me and questioning my motives of going to school and that it is all a front to find someone else and get a divorce as soon as I go to school has not been a helpful fact with the crazy wave of sadness that has been following me lately and has seemed to make things worse for me today. I sleep a lot when I am depressed and after a cancelled hair appointment this evening, I went and slept for about three hours tonight. I am not one to do this in a regular evening and it is something I have not done since high school. I felt like poo when I woke up and kind of slothed around the house for another hour or two. I was laying in bed, watching a television show when it all over came me and I just started crying. Something I do not want to admit willingly. I do not like crying and it is one thing I feel is a weakness for me when I am vulnerable. I felt the sudden urge to get on my knees and pray. I cried out my prayers with tear filled eyes, admitting every fear out loud, expressing my concern for Bryan and I and how I feel that he is the one that I want to be with in this life and the next. I want to walk next to God in the next world with Bryan's hand in mine and feel that love for time and all eternity. Tears streamed down my face as I asked for the Lord's strength to help me and help ease my fears and help me to be strong enough to be away from my love, family, home, and dogs. (Cannot forget my pets, they are a big part of my life and the love I feel for them.) Also to give me strength to ignore the lies being said about me and that I had the strength to be the better person. As I sat there, on my knees, in fear for what is right for me to do and my concerns for Bryan and whether or not we can weather the storm about to happen, I had an amazing feeling of ease. I sat there for minutes just taking in the feeling that filled my body. The tears stopped, and all I could say was "Thank you, Lord." My fears have been placed to ease and I feel for the first time in a while that all is well and all is what it is meant to be. This was something too amazing not to share. I do not wish to offend any that may not feel that God is not real or religious out reach in a time of turmoil is foolish, but there is no denying what I felt this evening. He was with me, and still is. I can feel that even when I start to think about it all a sense of strength and love that could weather any storm. I know that the Lord is with me and watching over me and He cares for Bryan and I. I know that going to school is right and that I am meant to be a vet and be a loving and caring wife to a wonderful man. Bryan has supported me non stop for me to go to school and go after what I really want and need in my life. He has never once tried to hold be back and he has even thanked me for inspiration in finding out what he wanted to be and to go after his own dreams. So here we are. Living our dreams with love in our hearts and the Lord to watch over us and be with us through it all. I love my life, my loved ones, the things I have to cherish, that I even have all these things, and I love my Lord.